The new design for the site is up. Big thanks to Ashley Craft for designing it!

There will likely be a few tweaks here and there, but I’m thinking this is how it will be.

I can now post from my phone! Does this mean I’ll post more often? Maybe!

This is a story written by myself and Ryan Biggs.  The songs in it are obviously not copyrighted by me. Enjoy it. It’s pretty terrible an incoherent.

Thank you for your time,

Steven Garone.

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And… It’s done.  The novel is done.  Editing needs to commence, but not for plot, only for typos and things of that nature.

Steven Garone.

Chapters 15 and 16 are now up.  Chapter 15 has some sexiness to it, but it’s tasteful.  Chapter 16 should answer a lot of questions.  Frankly, I like how 16 turned out.

–Steven Garone.

ChapterS 13 & 14 of Pi Squad ARE  up.  I know!  THEY’RE only like… several months overdue!  For those who read, enjoy it!

–Steven Garone.

It seems that I only seem to post here when I’m upset.  So, to the casual observer, it must seem like I’m upset all the time.  I mean, come on.  Each entry for the past several months has been about one thing and one thing alone… The depression I go through because of my current romantic situation.

Really, though, I should be talking about happier things in my life.  I should be.  But this is a blog.  Blogs aren’t supposed to be about the best moments of our lives, at least not from what Live Journal has taught me.  Besides, who wants to sit around and read or listen to someone talking about everything being great in life?  And who wants to sit down and talk about what’s great in life?  It’s all about varying levels of being upset with things.

Take any story, whoever starts out happy will end up losing everything that made them happy and be forced to start again with nothing.  Is that what I’m destined to be?  Am I to give up what is making me happy so my story will progress?  I don’t know.  I don’t know what this will bring for me in the future.  All I do know is that every day that goes by is a day where I learn more and lose more hope.  I’m not supposed to talk like that, though.  I’m supposed to keep an optimimistic view on things.  I’m supposed to be sitting here and being happy while I wait around for things to fall into place for me.  I’m supposed to do a lot of things.  So, I wait, and I wait, and I be patient as I can be.  It is imparative that I be patient.  It’s what is best for her.  If I try to take it another way, try to force things to be better, then I’ll lose her all together.

It really is the same blog post, over and over again.  For years, it’s been the same post over and over again.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to handle it.  I have to wait.  I have to wait and see.  If God shines upon me, hurray.  Most likely, I’ll be here, just here.  I’ll be doing what I always do.  I’ll be waiting.

Steven Garone.

Right now, it may seem as though I’m alright. Hell, I’ll even go so far to pretend that I’m alright. The fact remains that I am not alright. I have lost, for an unknown length of time, what put a spark of sunshine into my normally dull day. I have lost the little happiness that I had… But, I suppose no one really knows that. No one really understands the pain I’m in. So, you make jokes. You laugh at the pain I feel because you don’t understand it. What am I supposed to do? I can’t come out and say how much it hurts. I can’t tell everyone that I’m in agony. I have to stay strong and ride it out. I have to pretend I’m not in pain. So, here I am, lying to the world. Have your laughs. I suppose it’s good that someone enjoy the pain.

–Steven Garone.

It’s tough.  I can’t stand it.  I don’t know what to do.

How do you live this way?  Why can’t you do what you know you need to do to make things better?  God damn it!

I need to do something for my life.  I need to find a way to make this work, or make it not work.  I can’t take the limbo anymore.  It’s eating me alive.  Every day, every fucking day, I have to sit here and wait.  It’s just too much waiting.  I want to break something.  I want to take something here and throw it out of the God damned window.  I want to just clear off my desk with one sweep of my arms and collapse to the floor.

I don’t know if it’s the pressure or the pills that have gotten the better of me, but I can’t handle it.

I need to get out of here.  I need to do something.  I need to do… something!  God!  Why can’t you guide me here?  Why am I on my own and drowning?  Why can’t I do anything?!

Why can’t something fucking good happen?!  Why does it keep going from bad to worse?  Why can’t I have ONE thing go right?

God… Please, God… Just… something.

Steven Garone.

I’m going to the doctors on Monday to talk about my anxiety issues.  I don’t know what will become of it, but I need to get a handle on this.  I’ve put it off for the last… half a decade?

I’m on an emotional rollercoaster because of a certain Pennsylvanian.  I have all the tools anyone would ever need to fix the situation, but I’m just not evil enough to do it. I’m not using the tools that I have to destroy this man causing so many problems and, yet, I’m the manipulative bastard.

I’m kind of worried about getting help with my anxiety.   I’ve always feared that the only thing keeping me from going completely evil is my anxiety getting the better of me and stopping me from doing all the things my mind comes up with.  Too afraid to find out what will happen, I back away and do nothing.  But, without that anxiety, do I do those things?  Do I become the evil jerk that I’ve seen so often?  I really don’t know at this point.

–Steven Garone.